Kingdom Hearts Crack
by Fujoshi Laivine
Summary: Axel loves fire, Saix is obsessed over the moon, Zexion likes Axel, Roxas likes keys, Xaldin likes to insult Roxas, Xemnas succeeds in summoning Kingdom Hearts, and Vexen gets pregnant. Warnings inside.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: If you believe that I own anything in this story, I accuse you of being on crack. Only the storyline belongs to me…Okay only half. The other half belongs to NaRuToRoX but we decided that I would type it out this time, since she gets credit for "My YuKi". Check her out sometime.

Okay, I know, I said I wouldn't start another story but I just had to get this out there. It's too great not too Anyways, here are the warnings I promised you in the summary.

Warnings: Heterosexual + homosexual relationships, M-preg, coarse language, emoness, pervertedness, and many many Orgy XIII cracks. Also, this is my first attempt at a humor ficc so please don't hurt me!!!

Pairings: RoxasXKairi, AxelXZexion, XemnasXSaix, XemnasXXaldin, RikuXDemyx, NamineXMarluxia, CloudXVexen, LarxeneXLuxord, LexeusXXigbar (So basically, everyone in the Orgy has been dating with someone at one point or another)

* * *

Axel groaned. Another day of preschool, he thought. He walked into the building, holding his breath, hoping the bug wouldn't hop on him. But, of course, luck wasn't on his side today. It didn't ever seem to be. The 'bug' had fallen from the ceiling when he walked in. 

Kairi heard a yell and ran to its source. When she saw Larxene sitting on Axel's back, and Axel lying on the floor on his stomach, she jumped back. She was afraid of bugs. They were icky.

Axel looked up at her pleadingly, he didn't want to be eaten by a giant bug before he even turned seven. So he clawed at Kairi, signaling her to save him.

Kairi backed away and ran. Suddenly, Larxene's hair caught on fire. She started screaming and Axel ran away.

He ran into Xemnas. "Oh, hey Mansex" Xemnas fumed. You could literally see the steam coming out of his ears. He stomped up onto the roof. Anyone, even the ones who weren't listening, could hear a loud shout coming from the roof.

It sounded almost like a child was calling, "Kingdom hearts! Fill me with the power of darkness!!" But then again, it might not have been.

Zexion peered around the corner at Axel. "You set him off again, didn't you?" Axel just whistled and allowed his eyes to wander around the room, pointedly not looking at Zexion. Zexion sighed. "Bring out the candles, Mansex is on the roof again" Instantly the others collect candles and put them in front of Axel. "Light these"

Just as Axel finishes lighting the candles the power goes out.

Saix went to the roof to howl at the moon. He got onto the roof and then realized that it was still day. So instead, he howled out of disapointment. Xemnas noticed this and stopped 'summoning Kingdom Hearts' and hugged Saix.

Cloud walked into the room and looked around. "Hm? Why're there candles lit in here? And why're the lights out?" He looked around again.

Axel snickered a bit. "Because you turned off the lights and made us sit in the dark"

Cloud looked at Axel disbeleiving. "Did I?" He scratched his head as he leaves the room. "Did I turn out the lights?" He mumbles.

* * *

Alright, so you have a few characters. So far we have Axel, Zexion, Kairi, Larxene, Xemnas, Saix, and Cloud. BTW, sorry about what I have done to Cloud but it had to be done. And just in case you didn't get it(Which I doubt you did, I'm not very clear) Cloud is the teacher of the preschool. And don't ask me what a six year old is doing in preschool. There's a seven year old in preschool too. It's just for the sake of the story. XD Also, I know it was short but I just wanted to get it out there. Not even a whole page including the other crap. XD 


	2. Chapter 2

When I received a review I became reinspired to add another chappie to this. Enjoy

* * *

Roxas walked into the preschool building…literally. "Ow…" Roxas rubbed his forehead and hoped it wouldn't leave a mark. When he gets to the room with all the other children he spotted one with black hair that was pointing and laughing at him. Roxas went to him and stopped right in front of him and held out his hand. "Hi, I'm Roxas" He said pleasantly.

The boy finally stopped laughing and shook the hand. "Xaldin" He said. But right after, Roxas pulled him down (considering how much shorter Roxas is compared to Xaldin) and held a key to Xaldin's eye.  
"Laugh at me again and this key goes into your eye" He said quietly, then walked away as if nothing ever happened.

Meanwhile, Demyx walked over to Riku nervously and stopped a little bit away. "U-um…Hi Riku" He said. Riku didn't look up, just continued to spell complicated words with letter blocks. "Um, I-I just wanted you to know that…you can play with my toys…if you wanna…I mean…" Demyx noted that Riku didn't even look up and walked away without saying another word.

"Demyx!" Riku called. Demyx turned around and saw what Riku had spelled with the blocks. 'Demyx is my friend' Demyx also noted that the X in his name was just a Y with an extra line drawn on. "There were no X's" Riku smiled.

Xigbar turned on the CD player and put in one of the CD's off the top of the player. Once it started playing Xigbar realized he put in the wrong CD. "It that the Lion King??" Larxene asked. "EWW" She shrieked when it played The Circle of Life.

"You're not the one who should be 'eww'ing!!" Kairi yelled and then ran away as the 'bug' chased her to the washroom.

Xigbar quickly changed the CD to a Miyavi one. "That's better" He said and started dancing on Cloud's desk as Coin Lockers Baby started playing. He heard Namine and Xigbar cheering in the background so he started taking off his shirt.

This is where Cloud walks in. "Xigbar! Get off the desk!" He yelled.

"But you told him to strip dance on your desk to Miyavi music" Axel said.

"Did I?" He scratched his head. Then shrugged. "Okay, keep going then" And with that he left.

Vexen tripped over Marluxia and while he was falling he grabbed onto Luxord and pulled him down too, who in turn grabbed Lexeus and they fell into a big heap on the floor.

Saix and Xemnas finally came down from the roof and saw the large puls of people in the middle of the floor.

As soon as Sxel saw the people fall he jumped into the pile too. He was a very simple minded child.

Zexion just sat at the side and watched Axel and daydreamt about him

* * *

Okay, there we go. Now we got everyone in the story! w00t!! Also, I LOVE Miyavi!! He is my musical GOD!!! Anyhoo, review plz!! Or else the green crayon will be hurt…MWAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!! XD 


End file.
